💬 When We’re Close, But Not Dancing: How Fears Hold Us Back
🕺💃 One moment. One glance. Two people.
And one dance… that never happened.
🕺 "She’s standing right next to me. I want to invite her — but what if she says no? She looks confident, stylish… Probably waiting for some top dancer. Okay, I’ll grab some water. If she’s still here when I get back…"
💃 "He’s right there. Is he looking at me… or am I imagining it? Why isn’t he inviting me? Maybe he’s shy. Maybe I seem unapproachable? Should I smile? But what if that’s too much?"
It seems like a tiny moment. But in reality, it’s a mirror of something much deeper:
Fears.
Assumptions.
Misread signals.
And an unspoken hope: "Let them take the first step."
🔍 Why Does This Happen?
1. Fear of Rejection & the Old Wound of “Not Being Chosen”
Many of us carry past experiences where we weren’t chosen — in school, in relationships, at parties. Even if forgotten, the body remembers. An invitation isn’t just a dance — it feels like a test: "Am I good enough? Desirable? Worthy?"
🔸 Example:
Lucas, an experienced leader, has been dancing for 4 years. But he admitted he still hesitates to invite “confident and beautiful followers” — because one of them once rejected him with a smirk. Now, his hand always seems to freeze mid-air.
2. Misreading Signals
We often take external behavior as a message. If someone’s standing alone — they must not want to dance. If a follower doesn’t smile — she must be arrogant. But in 80% of cases, it’s just fatigue, distraction, or their natural resting expression.
🔸 Example:
Isabelle often looks serious when she’s deep in thought. During breaks, she’s just absorbing the music. One leader confessed: "I was scared of you for a whole year. I thought you never danced with newbies!"
3. The Projection Loop: "I Think That You Think That I Think…"
A classic: we’re not just worried about ourselves — we start thinking for the other person.
"He probably thinks I’m boring."
"She’s probably waiting for someone better."
These are not facts — just echoes of our own insecurities.
💡 So What Can We Do?
🌱 Step 1. Realize: This Is Normal
If you doubt yourself — you’re not alone. Almost everyone does, even those who seem confident. This isn’t weakness — it’s sensitivity. Just don’t let it control you.
😊 Step 2. Send Human, Gentle Signals
You don’t need to do “the stare-down” if that’s not your style. But:
- Open body language
- A warm or neutral facial expression
- Eyes not glued to the floor or your phone
All of these make you more approachable — both visually and energetically.
🔸 If You’re a Follower:
Allow yourself to smile gently or look around. Not as an “invitation,” but as a quiet “permission” — to be noticed, to be someone worth inviting.
🔸 If You’re a Leader:
Let yourself invite not only the “safe choices” — but also those who truly interest you. Even if it feels risky.
Because worse than a “no”… is the dance that never happened.
🛠 A Small Practice: “Tiny Actions”
If starting feels hard — begin small:
- Step closer to the dance floor.
- Make 3 eye contacts throughout the evening.
- Try inviting just one new person.
- Compliment someone on their dancing — even if you don’t dance with them.
That’s how motion begins. And motion brings change.
🎭 Real Stories: "The Dance That Didn’t Happen"
✴️ "There was a girl at a social — musical, graceful. I wanted to ask her all night, but assumed she was way above my level. A month later, we happened to talk — and she said: ‘That night, I barely danced. Everyone thought I was some kind of star and no one invited me.’"
— Diego, leader, 3 years in dance
✴️ "People invite me less when I wear my hair down and a bright dress. But when I’m in a hoodie with a ponytail — suddenly more guys come up. I guess appearance shapes perception. Do I look ‘less approachable’ with makeup? Funny and sad."
— Maya, follower, 2 years in kizomba
✴️ "I was afraid she’d say no — but I went for it. The dance was so joyful that we ended up dancing three in a row. Later she said: ‘I thought you were just ignoring me.’"
— Liam, leader, 1.5 years in dance
✴️ "I used to stand alone at parties and wonder: is it my outfit? My face? Then I started asking guys myself — and suddenly found they’d just been waiting for a sign. They’re nervous too."
— Sofia, follower, 4 years in dance
✴️ "I’ve noticed that if I just chat with someone off the floor — even a simple ‘Hey, how are you?’ at the bar — it makes inviting or being invited much easier later."
— Elena, follower, 5 years in dance
✴️ "There was a woman I kept seeing at local socials — elegant, serious face, seemed unapproachable. One day I went for it — turned out she was just tired after work. Now she always smiles when she sees me."
— Marco, leader, 2 years in dance
✴️ "There was a leader I liked, but we never danced for almost a year. Then we ended up in the same intensive group. We joked, relaxed… now he’s one of my favorite partners."
— Nina, follower, 3 years in dance
✴️ "I always thought girls didn’t like being invited too often. So I never asked the same one twice in a night. Then I overheard her say to a friend: ‘I wish he’d ask me again.’"
— Tom, leader, 4 years in dance
✴️ "I used to worry about seeming pushy, especially if a girl had already declined once. But one of them later told me: ‘I love dancing with you — sometimes I say no just because the music doesn’t feel right at that moment.’"
— Jonas, leader, 2.5 years in dance
✴️ "One guy came up to me and said: ‘I’m new — can we just try?’ It was so sweet and sincere, I smiled the whole dance. Yes, skill matters — but attitude matters more."
— Leila, follower, 6 years in dance
⚖️ When Two Silences Meet
Sometimes the leader thinks: "She’s waiting for someone better."
While the follower thinks: "He probably doesn’t see me as good enough."
In truth — they’re both waiting. Both hoping. Both afraid.
🛠 What You Can Try — At Your Very Next Social
🔸 For Leaders:
- Invite someone you’ve wanted to dance with — even if it’s scary.
- Don’t take rejection personally.
- Notice followers who are standing alone — maybe they just don’t know how to give “signals.”
🔸 For Followers:
- Smile — not to impress, but to show you’re open.
- Ask someone you like to dance — no drama, just do it.
- Use eye contact, body language, or a simple word to show you're approachable.
💬 Do You See Yourself in These Stories?
❓Have you ever missed a dance — and regretted it?
❓Or took the first step — and something beautiful started?
📣 Share in the comments.
We’ll feature some in the next Magazine issue.
Your story could support someone else.
🫶 Remember:
A dance begins with one small step.
Sometimes… a step through fear.
